The return to school after the holidays is often a milestone moment. For children, it can bring excitement – new teachers, friends, and activities – but also anxiety as routines shift once again. For separated parents, this time of year adds a further layer of complexity. Practical issues such as uniforms, school supplies, and drop-offs need to be managed between two households, and children may need extra reassurance as they adjust.
Handled well, this period can strengthen a child’s sense of stability. Handled poorly, it can lead to unnecessary stress for both parents and children. This guide explores how separated parents can navigate the return to school with cooperation, planning, and where needed, legal clarity.
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Establishing Consistent Routines
Children thrive on predictability. After several weeks of relaxed schedules, reintroducing bedtime, homework, and morning routines before term starts can ease the transition. Consistency is particularly important for separated families, as differences between households can heighten a child’s anxiety.
Where possible, parents should communicate about key routines such as:
• Bedtimes on school nights
• Rules about screen time during the week
• Expectations for homework and reading
Even if parenting styles differ, agreeing on a few non-negotiables creates a sense of continuity for the child. This is not always easy, but compromises help children feel that both parents are working together for their benefit.
If parents find it difficult to align routines, mediation can provide a neutral space to agree arrangements. Formalising these agreements through a Child Arrangements Order may also be appropriate if disagreements persist.
Managing School Supplies and Costs
The financial side of back to school can be a flashpoint. Uniforms, sports kits, stationery, and school trips quickly add up. Children may feel uncomfortable if they notice disputes between parents about who is paying for what.
To avoid this, parents should plan ahead. Some find it fair to split costs equally. Others agree that one parent covers uniform while the other funds after-school clubs or school lunches. The arrangement matters less than the consistency.
In high-conflict cases, disputes about school costs sometimes form part of wider financial proceedings. For many, however, clear conversations early on prevent unnecessary friction.
Practical tip: keep receipts and share them via email or a shared folder, so both parents have transparency over expenses.
Communication With the School
Good communication with the school is essential. Teachers and staff generally want both parents involved in a child’s education, but they cannot do this unless contact information is kept up to date.
Parents should ensure that:
• Both are listed as emergency contacts
• Both receive newsletters, reports, and invitations to events
• The school is aware of who will usually collect the child, and on which days
If only one parent receives communication, this can cause tension and confusion. A simple written request to the school is usually enough to ensure both are included.
For key decisions – such as changing schools or choosing subjects – parents with Parental Responsibility must agree jointly. If they cannot, the court may decide through a Specific Issue Order.
Schools often provide guidance on supporting children from separated families. The Department for Education also publishes advice on involving parents in school life, which can be a helpful reference1.
Coordinating Drop-Offs and Pick-Ups
School runs are one of the most practical but also most contentious issues. Without clarity, confusion can lead to lateness, missed pick-ups, and frustration for the child.
Parents should consider:
• A written weekly schedule for drop-offs and collections
• A shared digital calendar or co-parenting app to record changes
• Contingency plans if one parent is delayed
It is best to keep these logistics invisible to the child. They should not feel responsible for reminding a parent of who is collecting them or for passing on messages.
When disagreements arise – for example, if one parent consistently fails to collect on time – it may become necessary to formalise arrangements through a Child Arrangements Order. While the court prefers parents to resolve these matters themselves, its primary concern is always the child’s welfare and education.
Supporting Children Emotionally
Even if the logistics are well managed, children may still find the return to school unsettling. They may worry about keeping track of belongings between homes, feel anxious about new teachers, or be concerned about whether both parents will attend school events.
Parents can support them by:
• Talking openly about what to expect in the first week back
• Showing unity at milestone moments, such as the first day drop-off
• Celebrating achievements together, whether through a shared message or both attending a school play
• Listening without judgment if the child feels overwhelmed
These reassurances demonstrate that, despite living separately, both parents remain committed to their child’s education and wellbeing.
When Informal Agreements Break Down
Most families can manage back-to-school arrangements without legal involvement. However, disputes sometimes escalate, especially if one parent feels excluded from decisions or burdened with costs.
In such cases, options include:
• Mediation: a confidential process where an impartial mediator helps parents reach agreement
• Child Arrangements Orders: legally binding decisions about where the child lives and when they spend time with each parent
• Specific Issue Orders: court decisions on particular questions, such as which school a child should attend
Legal intervention should always be a last resort, but having clear, enforceable arrangements can reduce ongoing conflict and provide children with much-needed stability.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if we cannot agree on who pays for uniforms and school trips?
School-related expenses can quickly become a source of tension. While the law does not usually prescribe who pays for uniforms or supplies, these costs may be addressed as part of broader financial proceedings if disputes are ongoing. In the short term, mediation can help parents find a fair approach. If you are uncertain about your rights or obligations, seeking legal advice can provide clarity.
Can both parents attend school events?
In most cases, yes. Schools generally welcome both parents to attend events, such as parents’ evenings, plays, or sports days. However, if conflict between parents risks overshadowing the child’s experience, schools may suggest alternative arrangements. Parents should communicate with the school in advance to avoid difficulties and ensure their child feels supported.
How do schools communicate with separated parents?
Schools can and should communicate with both parents, but this often requires a formal request. Parents should ensure that their details are provided to the school office so that both receive letters, emails, and reports. If you feel excluded from communication, you may wish to speak directly with the school or seek legal advice to ensure your rights under Parental Responsibility are recognised.
What happens if one parent does not return the child in time for school?
If this becomes a recurring issue, it can disrupt the child’s education and stability. Parents should try to resolve matters through discussion or mediation first. If this fails, a Child Arrangements Order can set legally enforceable expectations, ensuring that the child’s schooling is not affected.
Next Steps
Returning to school after the holidays is a key moment for children and families. With planning, cooperation, and – where necessary – legal support, separated parents can ensure that their children feel secure and ready to thrive.
If you need advice about school arrangements, parental responsibility, or formalising agreements, we are here to help. Contact Waely Law today to speak with our family law team.
Footnotes
- UK Department for Education, Parental Engagement Guidance, available at: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/parental-engagement
